My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
