he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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