I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
