youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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