LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize