May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
