Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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