OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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