The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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