I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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