the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
