Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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