She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
