Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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