thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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