By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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