I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
