I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
