R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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