Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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