So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
