Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
