There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
