Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
