Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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