called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
