There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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