If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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