He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Your dad touched me again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
