why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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