12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
