I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
