when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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