My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
