how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me they were just razor bumps!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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