she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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