My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
