I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
