I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize