so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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