im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
