He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
