Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
