I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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