he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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