This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
