I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
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He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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