i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
