you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
