I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize