Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
