we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
