my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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