i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.