I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"