Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
