I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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