Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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