your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
