I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
