He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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