C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
