Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
