He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
