That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
