if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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