Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Vodka?
Forever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
