Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
