why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
